


Nothing More, Nothing Less

by sempre_balla



Category: CLAMP - Works, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, fai is sad and gay and useless and so am I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 12:06:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sempre_balla/pseuds/sempre_balla
Summary: In the witch’s shop, Kurogane is a stranger clad in black. Fai thinks that, when it comes down to it, it won’t be very hard to kill him.





	Nothing More, Nothing Less

**Author's Note:**

> It is the year of our lord 2018 and the only CLAMP work I'd read til a couple of months ago was CCS. Then I read Tsubasa and now I'm writing my first fic in 3 years and I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm very afraid but I love Kurofai and I keep thinking about them so good riddance to swearing off writing fanfiction I guess!!
> 
> This is written for Tsubasa Chronicle Month over on tumblr, for day 16's prompt: Angst. It was supposed to stay angsty but I'm a lil weenie so it's angst with a happy ending. But hey, what can you do. Enjoy!

In the witch’s shop, Kurogane is a stranger clad in black. When Fai lands, he quickly regards the kids that he supposes are the clones of the desert princess and the boy that will collect the feathers. His breath catches in his throat a little, still not believing that his journey has begun so abruptly. The magician moves his gaze a little further and his eyes meet intense red. He holds eye contact with the man in black for a split second, and he lets his expression stay cold for as long as it lasts. When he turns to look at the witch, he has a smile on his face. 

The witch’s pawn looks irrational and violent, his unsheathed sword and dark clothes covered in blood that surely isn’t his own. It is a weight off of Fai’s shoulders, really. He thinks that, when it comes down to it, it won’t be very hard to kill him.

 

* * *

 

In Hanshin, Kurogane isn’t Kurogane. He’s Mr. Black, Kuro-rin, Kuro-tan, Kuro-sama, Kuro-puu, Kuro-myu, and every other nickname that comes to Fai’s mind. He’s never called anyone by a nickname before, but he finds that they’re quite useful in keeping the witch’s pawn at a safe distance. When Kurogane is around, all Fai has to do is say a silly nickname to send the man into a fit of shouts and rage. It’s fun and it makes it easy to avoid any sort of real interaction. 

Fai takes to Syaoran immediately, moved by the boy’s serious and steadfast nature. Kurogane rudely declares that he will have  _ nothing _ to do with the princess’ feathers, and although Fai smiles he already resents the man for it. To kill without remorse, to not bat an eyelid at innocent children suffering, Kurogane is far worse than Fai had thought. He really does not think it will be hard to kill him at all. 

 

* * *

 

 

In Koryo, Kurogane is a sea urchin, apparently? Or so the woman they’re fighting says, at least. To Fai’s great distaste, he’s lumped in with Kurogane in that category, but he can’t find the energy to dislike him as much as he did in the previous worlds. After all, Kurogane is  _ obvious _ , and his excuse of raiding the palace because he just feels like taking down a lord is a pure sham. 

Fai is finding that Kurogane is much smarter than he thought at first, and his gaze is starting to make him nervous. So he laughs and pretends to be an idiot, because that’s easy, and it keeps Kurogane irritated and unfocused. Fai stands still as a giant purple orb of acid surges towards him and a part of him screams  _ finally _ , but Kurogane saves his life and Fai smiles through the disappointment, using another stupid nickname and distancing himself before Kurogane can see how much he feels like breaking down. 

Kurogane is a better man that Fai had thought, but he’s invasive and inquisitive and he’s prodding about Fai’s refusal to use magic, so Fai still convinces himself that killing him will be easy enough for him to accomplish.

 

* * *

 

 

In Jade, Kurogane is still a thousand different stupid nicknames, and Fai doesn’t want to interact with him more than necessary. Jade isn’t awfully cold, but Fai doesn’t want to be caught looking at the snowy landscape with a sad or wistful look, so he zeroes in on the children because the children are sweethearts and they don’t prod around or look at him with all too knowing eyes. 

Fai knows what Kyle Rondart is, so he lets Syaoran and Kurogane handle it all to avoid coming in contact with another pawn of his master, with a being made of magic that will never feel like half the person Chii and Mokona are.

As he changes into his Celesian clothes while preparing to move on to the next world, Fai thinks that watching the children die will be painful, but that killing Kurogane will still be fine.

* * *

 

 

In Outo, Kurogane is Big Puppy. As soon as Kurogane learns about the nickname, Fai thinks that he’s safe for the world, because the ninja is  _ seething _ with rage. He can feel himself getting far too attached to Sakura and he thinks he will break under Mokona’s reassuring words, but he still thinks he’s safe from Kurogane. Syaoran’s blind eye proves to be a considerable handicap and Fai’s heart breaks a little when he thinks about why that is, but at least he’s safe from Kurogane. 

Except he’s not, because Kurogane strips him bare with only a gaze and a few defiant words, and Fai is appalled at the fact that this man whom he’s supposed to kill has prevented him from dying  _ twice _ . He’s even more appalled at how much being told that he’s the type of man that Kurogane hates the most hurts.

While sitting in the bar and idly stirring his drink, Fai confesses that he’s always been waiting for someone to come and take him away. He slips his mask back on when he turns to tell Kurogane he’s joking, but the look the other man is giving him makes his breath hitch. Maybe killing Kurogane will not be so easy after all.

  
  


* * *

 

 

In Yama, Kurogane is all he has and Fai is panicking. Fai can’t use his words as a shield anymore, and his mask slowly slips and fades until he stops smiling in front of his unfortunate travel companion. He is silent the first couple of months, but he slowly starts breaking (because even down in the valley he used his voice, even when all there was around him were lifeless corpses he still called Fai’s name and let himself break and sob and scream). He starts telling Kurogane little truths when he feels the weakest and their tent is so silent his own thoughts are drowning him. 

_ I’m gonna kill you one day _ , is the one he says the most, and he says it to his eyes, he says it staring into black irises that feel so, so wrong.

_ I’m gonna kill you just like I killed my brother _ , he says.  _ I’m gonna kill you just like I killed Valeria. Just like I killed Celes. You’re next. _

Kurogane listens, nods, grunts something inintelligible. Fai knows the other man can’t understand, but he can’t shake off the feeling that he somehow does. Despite the words that he repeats over and over in both Valerian and Celesian, Fai doesn’t know if he’ll be able to kill Kurogane.

 

* * *

 

In Piffle, Kurogane is careless and hurts his hand. It’s nothing, really, Fai has seen him with far worse injuries in Yama. But this isn’t Yama, they’re not in a battlefield, and Kurogane is being stupid and trying to hide his wound. It’s stupid because it’s nothing, and yet Kurogane doesn’t want the children to worry and feel responsible for it, and it’s stupid because Fai  _ cares _ . He had been planning to distance himself from Kurogane again, to go back into a routine where lies came easy and smiles came easier, but he can’t when Kurogane’s being stupid. 

Fai’s the one that’s supposed to be stupid, damnit. He’s the only one that’s allowed to hide his injuries and be a dumb idiot because he’s the only one that deserves the consequences that come with that. It’s startling, really, how easily it is for him to admit to himself that Kurogane doesn’t deserve pain.

Kurogane tells Fai that he’s changed, and the magician silently agrees. He  _ has _ changed. He can’t kill Kurogane.

 

* * *

 

In LeCourt, Kurogane is Kuro-daddy, and Fai regrets absolutely everything. Fai should have known that Mokona would pick up the mindless family jokes and turn them into A Whole Thing, he should have really known better. They can’t be a family, they really can’t. Fai and the children? Sure, he already thinks of them as his own even though he knows he shouldn’t. But Kurogane? Kurogane and Fai? They can’t. 

He still plays along with the family jokes because it would be suspicious if he didn’t, but Kurogane is suspicious anyway so Fai doesn’t know how much it all matters. Kurogane truly sees everything, and Fai is just lost. He doesn’t know what to do, because it’s clear to him now, clear as day when he avoids red eyes and whistles a sound spell. He absolutely cannot kill Kurogane. He is not capable of it.

 

* * *

 

 

In Tokyo, Kurogane is Kurogane. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Fai feels like a fool, and relishes in the pained expression that crosses Kurogane’s face when he calls him by his full name. The ninja looks shocked, and Fai wants to laugh at his face and tell him that he shouldn’t create a monster if he’s not prepared for it to act like such.

He can never forgive Kurogane. Fai cradles Sakura’s wounded body and thinks that he sees better with just one eye, that it was before Tokyo when he had been blind.  

He  _ can _ kill Kurogane. He hates him enough to look forward to it.

 

* * *

 

In Infinity, Kurogane is his prey, and Fai does not want him. 

Maybe Fai will drain him dry one of these days, just for the fuck of it. He’s perfectly able to kill Kurogane after all, and he just doesn’t care anymore.

 

* * *

 

In Celes, Kurogane is terrifying. He finally, truly sees all of him, and Fai hates it so much he feels sick. Kurogane sees Fai, the real Fai. He sees Ashura, and every detail about Fai’s past (Yuui’s past,  _ Yuui’s _ ) shown by the king’s magic. Kurogane glares, walks over, pins Fai to the ground, directs his anger at Ashura, and Fai struggles because that’s the wrong person to be angry at. 

Fai knows he has to kill Kurogane, and he fights, he fights and cries and uses his dreaded magic to hurt the one man he absolutely does not want to hurt. Because he’s been fooling himself, he never hated Kurogane. Fai  _ can’t _ hate Kurogane, not when he forced him to live and turned him into a monster, not when he slashes through the illusion of the real Fai the magician is hugging close to his body, not when he kills Ashura and Fai weeps for the king he loved more than anything in the world.

Fai is bleeding, and he tells Kurogane to go. As always, the man does  _ exactly _ the opposite of what Fai tells him to, and an arm and a sword fly past his head. There is blood, his coat falls behind, and Fai is killing Kurogane. This time he’s killing him for real, and Fai will not be able to live with that.

 

* * *

 

In Nihon, Kurogane is not Kurogane anymore. He’s Kuro-sama, and Fai has gotten his payback.

Fai smiles as he hands the sky blue of his eye to the witch. Kurogane is looking at him with pride in his beautiful red eyes, and Fai could honestly cry if his tears hadn’t already dried while he was waiting for the other man to wake up. 

Fai cannot kill Kurogane. He almost did, but the proof of his failure is as heartwarming as it is beautiful. Kurogane lives on, and Fai can’t begin to describe how glad he is about that. 

 

* * *

 

In Clow, Kurogane is the love of his life. He tells him so as they prepare for the long journey they have ahead of them, and Kurogane calls him an idiot. 

Fai laughs, agrees, and teases the other man for the blush spreading across his cheeks. Fai knows that he will see Kurogane die one day, but it will not be by his hands.

Because he cannot kill Kurogane. And that, for now, is enough.   

**Author's Note:**

> I think this turned out okay enough but I'm honestly dead insecure after only exposing my writing to my closest friends for several years so kudos, comments, etc. are greatly appreciated, though I'll honestly be happy if one or two people read and enjoy this fic tbh!!
> 
> I'm actually writing a multichapter kurofai fic for TRC month too so see you soon, hopefully!


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